The Twin Flame Myth and What I Learned From Losing Myself

“Some consequence yet hanging in the stars Shall bitterly begin his fearful date With this night’s revels.” -Romeo and Juliet, a tragic story of young lovers who too, thought their love was 'fate'.

When I was young and learning how to love , I met a guy who I thought was my everything. My past, my present, my future. So cliched, right? At that point in my life, I was deeply and firmly on the beginning of my spiritual path. I had journeyed to the past, and seen we had shared past lives. When I meditated and did astral work, I saw him in my future, standing in a big white house with topiary bushes out front and a baby girl in our arms. This was KISMET. A divine Karma, that had lasted eons- at least in my mind.

Staying committed to that vision was what allowed me to stay with him for an entire year of my youth, a year that I will never get back. I don’t have regrets. That experience shaped the person I am today and taught me lessons I could not have learned otherwise. But let’s be honest: I lost a year of my life. I was isolated from friends, constantly embroiled in arguments with my family, and emotionally exhausted.

“All along, he wasn’t my spiritual betrothed. He wasn’t a Twin Flame. He was an energy vampire.”

When the Illusion Becomes Reality

At the end of the relationship, when I finally woke up, he said:

“When I met you you were so confident, and now look, I’ve successfully robbed your self esteem.”

He was not my spiritual betrothed. He was someone who thrived on controlling my energy and undermining my confidence.

I grew up seeing men treat women poorly and hearing things like, “if he’s mean to you, it’s because he fancies you.” That created a ‘normal’ for me, a distorted lens through which I judged relationships. I accepted a level of abuse and misalignment as something mystical, as if it had spiritual validation. That’s the danger of Twin Flame mythology. It can cloak toxic behaviour in romance and spiritual significance. That narrative was low vibrational, and took me away from my higher self.

Higher Self by Acrylic and hand-sewn cowries on canvas by Love Hannington

Understanding Attachment Styles

Attachment styles are the patterns we develop in childhood for how we connect to others. They shape our adult relationships and influence how we react to intimacy, conflict, and love. Here’s a brief overview:

Secure Attachment: These people generally experienced consistent love and support in childhood. They feel safe to trust, are comfortable with closeness, and can express their needs clearly.

Anxious Attachment: Often formed from inconsistent caregiving, where a child learned that love is unpredictable. Adults with this style may cling, overthink, or seek constant reassurance in relationships.

Avoidant Attachment: Formed when a child grew up with emotional unavailability or neglect. Adults may distance themselves emotionally, struggle to ask for help, or suppress vulnerability.

Disorganised Attachment: Often develops from trauma, abuse, or chaotic environments. Children learn to both seek comfort and fear closeness simultaneously. Adults may swing between intense closeness and fear of intimacy, creating push-pull dynamics.

“People with disorganised attachment can be especially susceptible to Twin Flame narratives because the intensity mirrors the emotional highs and lows they are familiar with.”

I fell into this last pattern. My upbringing, exposure to neglect and trauma, and early beliefs about relationships primed me to accept unhealthy behaviour as normal. Understanding attachment styles is not about blame. It’s about recognising patterns and reclaiming your energy.

Seeing the Truth: The Emperor Has No Clothes

When I began to experience healthier treatment and meet new people, suddenly the reality of my previous partner became clear. What I had once glorified as a mystical connection was actually toxic.

This reminded me of The Emperor Has No Clothes, the story in which a ruler parades around in invisible garments and everyone praises him out of fear or obligation. Only a child sees the truth and points it out.

At that point in my life, I had been the child believing the illusion. The Emperor was my abuser, and my energy and self-worth were the invisible garments he had stripped away. Seeing clearly meant reclaiming my power and my life.

What Twin Flame Experiences Might Really Be Trying to Tell You

The intensity of a Twin Flame-type relationship is a mirror. It shows the parts of yourself that need attention, the boundaries you have ignored, and the patterns you unconsciously repeat. It is not a divine certificate of love.

These experiences invite you to do the inner work: to set boundaries, reclaim lost parts of yourself, and restore your energy. They are lessons in self-sovereignty, not excuses to stay in harm’s way.

“Twin Flame experiences are often less about another person being 'the one' and more about the parts of yourself that need attention.”- Love

Lessons I Would Tell My Younger Self

If I could go back and speak to my younger self, here’s what I would say:

1. Do not put any partner or anyone on a spiritual pedestal even if they seem like a major part of your journey

2. Prioritise experiences that validate your self-worth outside of anyone else’s approval

3. And the ancestors let me channel THIS one: Nuh let NUH MAN tek Yuh fi eedyat!

   
   

These lessons are about reclaiming your power, recognising unhealthy patterns, and trusting your inner guidance.

"How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you" (Rupi Kaur)

The Goddess of Love and Light, Hand-sewn crystals and embroidery and acrylic on canvas.

Moving Forward With Awareness

Twin Flame myths can be seductive, especially when we are still learning our worth. The key is understanding that your energy, boundaries, and self-respect are non-negotiable. The intensity of these experiences points to one truth: you are the healer, the protector, and the holder of your own power.

If you are struggling with the aftermath of toxic relationships, or with mental health challenges more broadly, there are organisations that can help. For example, Mind offers advice and support for anxiety, depression, and trauma.

Have you ever been caught in a relationship that felt like a Twin Flame connection but left you drained? What did it teach you about yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments.

(P.S. xoxox If reading this resonates with you, it may be time to reconnect with your own energy and reclaim parts of yourself that have been lost or neglected. Through Reiki and Shamanic Energywork, I help women release old patterns, restore balance, and step fully into their power.

Whether it's recovering from a difficult relationship, clearing energetic blockages, or simply learning to prioritise your well-being, my sessions are designed to support you in becoming the healer of your own life. If you're ready to take that step, explore my one-to-one sessions and let love guide you home. - With Love xx)